How can I be a ‘good’ client in therapy?

You might have gone into therapy with high expectations of yourself and what you want to get from therapy. However, this can often lead to feeling pressure to come to therapy with perfectly formulated thoughts, or coming prepared to each session knowing exactly what to say. However, what I’d love for you to hear from me is that there is no way to be a good or perfect client in therapy, and trying to be one might be coming in the way of what you can get out of your sessions.

In my experience I have found that a lot clients struggle with perfectionism and people pleasing traits, and these show up in many ways in the therapy room. One of them is trying to be a certain type of client or trying to be ‘good’ at therapy. This might look like you seeking the therapist’s validation by asking them what they think, or struggling to be honest in therapy because you worry about the therapist’s opinion. Another element of this might be coming to each session prepared with the exact topics that you want to explore. None of these behaviours are negative, and might actually be helping you get the most out of your sessions. However, if you find yourself doing this frequently, it might be worth pausing and noticing the why. Are you asking about your therapist’s opinion because you feel you can’t make a decision without their approval? Are you coming to therapy prepared because it feels scary to not know where the session might go otherwise?

Therapy is a collaborative process, that relies on building an authentic and honest relationship, for it to be effective. This involves both the therapist and client being their true selves in the room and the client being able to trust the therapist, to show them all of them, at their own pace.

I think what I am trying to say is, there is no good or perfect client in the therapy room. And, I am not grading you, or keeping a scorecard about you. Clients want to make the most of their sessions, and get the most out of their therapy. But in a strange paradxox, the best way to do that is to show up, and to trust the process. For you, this might look like showing up to a session with nothing to say. Or telling your therapist that you are worried what they might think of you. Even if that might feel uncomfortable or scary. Trying too hard to do therapy well, can sometimes get in the way of therapy.

So, when you are in your sessions, and you find yourself wondering if you are a ‘good’ client, or what your therapist thinks about you, it might be a good moment to pause, and reflect on what is making you feel that way. Is that something your therapist’s behaviour is bringing up for you? Is this how you often feel in other relationships in your life?

To conclude, there is no perfect client, and as your therapist, I’d want you to come just as you are. If any of this resonates with you, or you’d like to chat more, I’d love to hear from you.